Vee’s Guide to Riding the Bus July 3, 2008

I have been riding the bus for several years now. Granted, at first, I was a little nervous. I had to learn through experience how to ring the bell for my stop, how to let others off before you get on, how to exit at the back, and how to use the little bike racks they have cleverly attached to the front of the busses. I had to learn how to read a bus schedule, and how to estimate when the bus would be at my stop based on when it was scheduled to arrive at my stop. I didn’t know what a transfer was, I didn’t know where to buy a bus pass, and I didn’t know how rude people could be to handicapped folks. Let’s face it! Kansas City public transit is confusing as hell!

I was at the bus stop with my son the other day, and man was sitting on the bench, waiting. He seemed nervous, and kept looking at his watch. “Excuse me,” he says. “Do you know when this bus is supposed to be here?” Now, I don’t claim to be psychic, but I’ve been doing this a long time, and this man smelled like a bus newbie. It’s all good. I was a bus newbie once too! I tried to explain that should be at the main stop at this certain time, which meant it would be there in around 2-5 minutes after that. This is all assuming, of course, that it’s running on time.

We sit and wait for the bus, it finally shows, and to the man’s horror, he needed to have gotten on the bus at the other corner that had passed by just moments before!

I thought to myself “the Kansas City Area Transportation Authority really needs to put out a guide on how to ride the bus.” Now, when I started riding the bus, some well meaning friends made me feel like any moron should be able to figure out how to ride the Kansas City bus. But not this moron, oh no. I had to get off at the wrong stop first. I had to not have enough change. I had to miss my bus several times before I learned just what in the hell was going on. Basically what I’m saying is, you really need to know your shit.

So here it is folks! If you’ve never ridden the bus before, here’s my guide, with a few tips and tricks! Hope you enjoy it!

A. Make sure you have enough change. Currently, the fare for the KC Metro is $1.25. The bus WILL take nickels, dimes, and quarters. It will NOT take pennies. If all you have is a $5 bill, the driver will issue you a change card that you can use on your next bus trip. The bus driver, however, will NOT lend you a quarter. If you’re short a coin or two, you can ask the passengers if they have any change to spare, but it’s likely that they’ll yell at you or ignore you, or, if you find that rare woman in the green dress that my fiance like to call the “Green Dress Lady”, you’ll just get told to shut the fuck up. If this happens, the bus driver will likely take pity on you and let you ride for free. Or not. Depends on how cute you are.

B. Find a seat. Sometimes this is easy, but other times it can be a challenge. If the bus empty, avoid sitting in the seats reserved for handicapped and the elderly, unless you are prepared to move when they board. If the bus is full, there are some nice little strappy handles to hold on to should you need to stand. However, understand that you will likely be shoving your armpit in someone else’s face. Likewise, if you are sitting and someone else is standing, you may be the recipient of said armpit in the face. Should this happen, please refrain from making comments such as “oh lordy!” or “use some deoderant!” It’s rude.

C. Let the handicapped, elderly, pregnant ladies, and moms or dads carrying small children have the seat at the front. It’s not only polite, it’s the law! True story: I was on a crowded bus when a little old man with a cane came on the bus. The bus driver asked someone to let him sit down. I asked someone to let him sit down. Nobody would. As a result, the bus driver refused to leave the stop until someone let the man sit down. Don’t fuck with the handicapped, or you’ll make it harder on the rest of us!

D. Watch for your stop. Nobody else is going to watch it for you! You know those little blue signs on the side of the road? Those are the stops! If you pull the yellow cord about a block from your stop, the bus driver will stop for you, and you won’t have to ride all the way downtown and back. While this may result in some great sightseeing of the city, you’ll also make it harder on yourself to get where you’re going.

E. Transfers. These are good for two hours on any bus in the city. They are free.

F. Be polite. Okay, this is really a rule for the Green Dress Lady. When someone is being nice to you, don’t tell them to shut the fuck up! It’s not nice! And yes, even though the last time I saw you, Green Dress Lady, was last year, I’m still annoyed that you would do this to everyone on the bus.

Little known fact. If you are out by yourself and you run into trouble, like if you are mugged, or attacked, or you fear you are being stalked, flag down a bus! The bus driver has a direct link to the police, and the bus is also considered a safe space!

I hope this little guide has proven informational. Feel free to comment if you have any questions!